The death of a beloved pet can be the same as the loss of any loved one and can produce profound grief and sadness. As pet owners, we will likely outlive our pets and have to say “Goodbye,” which is one of the hardest things we may ever do. Since many in our society do not value or understand the grief process over the loss of a pet, the whole experience can feel lonely and overwhelming. 

At Bayview Animal Hospital, we are pet lovers. Most of us have experienced pet loss, and we understand the hole left in your heart when a beloved pet is lost. Therefore, we want to help you cope with the loss and move through the grief process. 

Coping with pet loss

Following the loss of a pet, we must first allow ourselves to feel the depth of the loss, the grief, and the pain. Most of us do not ever get over the grief, but we can move through the process. The emptiness after the loss of a pet can be debilitating but, according to the Argus Institute for Families at the Colorado State University Veterinary School, ignoring our grief may instead prolong these feelings. 

Here are some strategies for coping with pet loss: 

  • Understand the stages of grief — The grief process includes widely accepted stages and phases, but is as diverse as the people going through it. Common feelings include denial, anger, bargaining, sadness, and acceptance. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross’s book On Death and Dying, published in 1969, delineated five stages of grief, which are:
    • Denial and isolation
    • Anger
    • Bargaining
    • Depression
    • Acceptance

  • First, talk about it, don’t deny it — One of the best strategies is talking to others about your loss. Choose friends and family who will let you speak at length and reminisce as much as you need. You can also talk to a therapist, find a support group, or call a pet loss grief hotline. 
  • Get past your anger — Dying is inevitable, and being angry will only make things worse. Also, don’t skip self-care because of your feelings. You need rest, exercise, and healthy eating to feel better. You can easily ignore your own care while helping others—especially your children—but first put on your own oxygen mask. 
  • Address any guilty feelings — Once you decide to move forward with euthanasia, you may experience feelings of intense guilt. Talk to us about euthanasia from a veterinarian’s perspective. 
  • Ask questions — If you are uncertain about your pet’s death, make an appointment with your pet’s veterinarian. They can help resolve your concerns, which will help you get past your depression and move forward without questioning or doubting your decision. 
  • Take the time you need to accept the loss — Everyone grieves differently. Take all the time you need to process the loss of your pet. If you have memories of your pet in your home—pet hair, pictures, or their belongings—don’t feel rushed to put everything away or to “get over it.”

This final step also includes allowing yourself to feel joy. Moments of happiness as you move through pet loss don’t mean you miss your pet any less, but that you care for yourself and can allow joyful feelings, which can help you move through your saddest moments. 

Help your children cope with pet loss

Children feel pet loss deeply, too, and like adults, children need the time and space to grieve their pet in their own way. The loss of a pet is often a child’s first experience with death, and you should ensure them that grieving is OK and reinforce that pets are special and important. Involve your child in appropriate decision-making, and show them how to process their grief with remembrances, a memorial ceremony, drawing or painting, or planting a tree or plant. Experts recommend that children participate in honoring their pet’s life. 

Celebrating your pet’s life

Experts affirm that memorializing your pet can be healing and comforting. As you move through your grief, you will shift from the sadness and emptiness and begin remembering happy times with your pet. Ideas for celebrating and remembering your pet’s life include: 

  • A funeral or memorial service for your pet 
  • Decorating your pet’s headstone if you bury them 
  • Placing the urn of ashes on your mantel if your pet is cremated
  • Drawing a picture and talking about your pet—this especially helps children
  • Planting a tree or flowers that bloom yearly in your pet’s memory
  • Creating a memory box that you fill with meaningful objects, pictures, and written notes
  • Doing something kind for other animals or volunteering at the local shelter in your pet’s name
  • Keeping your pet’s tags on your keychain
  • Keeping a lock of hair in your memory box or a locket
  • Asking your veterinarian to make a clay paw print
  • Creating a puppet show with your kids that acts out your pet’s happy times

No matter how you grieve your pet, know that grief is an active process. You don’t have to ignore your feelings or “move on”—recalling happy memories of your pet is actually healthy, and moving toward your feelings is healthier than pushing them away or ignoring them. 

Bayview Animal Hospital is always here during such difficult times. If you are struggling with the grief of losing a pet, don’t hesitate to contact us. We can help with the above strategies, or guide you to experts who can help.